


glow in the dark.

by richttps



Category: IT (2017)
Genre: Depression, Eventual Smut, Fluff and Angst, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, References to Depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-24
Updated: 2018-06-19
Packaged: 2019-05-13 04:14:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 7
Words: 11,028
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14741801
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/richttps/pseuds/richttps
Summary: As you grow older, they say life gets easier.That sadness is temporary, happiness is eternal.What they don’t tell you is that all of it is a lie.Why can’t they just tell the truth?Eddie still can’t answer that question, though he found his truth.Richie Tozier came to him in the midst of the end.His guardian angel.





	1. June 16th, 1991.

_June 16th, 1991._

_Sunday._

Eddie despised Sunday’s.

Ever since he could remember his mother made it a requirement that he attend Sunday service, every Sunday. It’s difficult to remember the last time you played outside on a pleasing Sunday afternoon when you’ve never experienced it to begin with.

Believing strongly in the man above isn’t the issue, the issue is that they _lie._ Every Sunday it’s something new, something grand. Eddie thinks it’s bullshit.

If anyone living or dead found out the truth about Eddie’s perspective, he’d be held ransom in God’s name.

The only soul that’s listened in on Eddie’s distraught thoughts is Richie. He’s another woke being in this corrupt world.

They’d become pals when Richie double-dog dared Eddie to be his friend on their way to seminary, ever since then they’ve been joined at the hip.

After weekly ceremony, they’d made a pact to spend the rest of their evening together in order to release built up frustration. It mostly involved Eddie flaming in pent-up anger an hour after they parted the holy building, mostly because something burrowed deep within him screamed _wrong._

Richie was a beautiful soul, Eddie believed this after their first of many encounters together. A descriptor Eddie used often towards Richie was soft, he was soft. He managed to speed Eddie’s heart up when he listened, eyes filled with love. It was unusual to feel this towards Richie, but it felt normal. It felt right.

“Truth or dare?” Richie asked.

“Truth.” Eddie answered.

The air was crisp as it flowed in around them, ears tickled pink from the chilling night air. The window in Richie’s bed was propped open, smoke lingering out in waves through Richie’s fragile fingers as he drew his second cigarette to his plump lips. Eddie had biked to Richie’s family home after church since Richie was absent due to his mother’s recurring illness.

He never asks about it, Richie never tells him.

“Are you happy?”

It sounded like a secret coming from Richie, only leaving Eddie to search his frightened expression from where he was spread on the bed, eyes softening upon the sight of Richie’s silhouette glowing against the moonlight. They’ve never been personal with eachother, only enjoying the company of one another to a limited extent. Eddie hated opening up to people and Richie understood so he never pushed it. Doesn’t mean he didn’t try.

“I’m happy when I’m with you.” It was the truth, Eddie realized. He _was_ happy when he was with Richie, it was like he illuminated warmth that could only pull Eddie in deeper until there was none left. Eddie’s eyes traveled back up to the ceiling above him, counting the glow in the dark stars Richie delicately hung in the open space after Eddie had admitted to being scared of the dark, he listened to the steady breathing approaching him slowly, signaling that Richie was finished with his late night snack.

“What about when you’re not?” He continued to prod, resulting in Eddie’s heartbeat speeding up as the comforter dipped next to him and the heat of Richie’s body embezzled him.

“Not as happy, but happy.” Eddie reassured him with a curl of the lips, offering Richie an inviting smile. He was met with curls tickling the underside of his nose as Richie settled on his chest, a content hum slipping from between his teeth.

_It was a lie._

_Liar, liar, liar._

“Truth or dare?” Eddie added on shortly in attempt to direct Richie’s parading thoughts from the concerning answer, hoping Richie couldn’t hear the banging _thump, thump, thump_ in Eddie’s chest. He doesn’t. His hand manages to set camp on Eddie’s thigh where it’s bent at the knee, fingernails toying with the soft corduroy that painted against his legs.

“Truth.” Richie spoke.

“Do you ever feel different than everyone else?” He asked with ease, eyelids squeezing shut as he felt movement setting light against his skin. He could feel Richie’s eyes burning into his features but Eddie was scared to face the truth, so he hid. He knew Richie was waiting to be met with contact, but he also knew Richie wouldn’t wait long.

“Everyone’s different,” Simply put. Eddie’s insides were brought back to life as he felt the stroking of fingers continuing, dancing along his skin. “It’s okay to be different.”

Eddie hoped Richie was right.

His mind was screaming not to believe him though, to call him a liar and flee.

The voices in his head wanted him to be alone, to live a life of secrecy.

Yelling at him that he was wrong, he wanted to hurt Eddie.

He’d be safer, it told him.

_Stop. Stop. Stop._

“Please tell me something.” Eddie gasped, feeling as though a grasp was tightening around his neck, squeezing the life out of him until he was begging for air. He knew his eyes were still hidden from the light, his only senses were physical as he felt Richie shifting above him, digits drawing murles against his cheeks. He was weak and Richie was _so_ strong.

“I think you’re beautiful.”

His world shifted beneath him, rumbling in fear as the thing inside him stopped it’s rain

“You’re not a liar.” Eddie assured, mostly for himself. His eyes greeted the dim fluorescent lighting shining from Richie’s smile, it captivated him into awe. Richie’s face casted over his, a sign that he was real and he was _here_. “You mean that.”

“I’m not a liar,” Another assurance, this time from Richie’s end as he pushed aside Eddie’s bangs, revealing the map of freckles that grazed his forehead. “I mean it.”

“I’m going to break you.” Eddie spoke in a hushed tone, scared to announce it to the world in a moment that was meant purposely for the two of them. Richie’s forehead was curved in a frown that matched his mouth, Eddie wanted to become familiar with this look because he’d learn to grow with it as time went on. As for now, everything spun slowly, rocking like a ship on calm waters. The first time Eddie’s felt _normal_ in a world so wrong.

“Is that a dare, Kaspbrak?” Richie whispered, face meters away from Eddie’s as he felt his breath fan across his complexion, heightening the pigmentation that burned throughout Eddie’s form. His silk-like chuckles vibrated the room as he tore himself away from Eddie’s bubble, motioning him closer like a magnet.

“C’mon, let’s play Spacewar.” With that, Richie was in a different universe, bringing Eddie’s world back up to speed as he slowly brought himself up, crawling to sit his back against the headboard of Richie’s bed while a controller was being placed in his palms.

They were happy, _Richie_ was happy.

Eddie didn’t want it to be this way though, didn’t want to drag Richie down with him but Richie was his light in the darkness of his thoughts.

_His glow in the dark star._


	2. July 27th, 1991.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "How would you like me to answer that?"
> 
> "Truthfully."
> 
> "I think I'm in love with you."

_July 27th, 1991._

_Saturday._

A mind can be characterized alphabetically based on important events that partake in an individual's life.

Eddie has two manila folders that serve as a permanent reminder to why he’s alive.

  1. Meeting Richie.
  2. Today.



_Today, today, today._

The air was warm, flushing Richie’s cheeks with watercolors that harmonized the wildflowers that swayed underneath his chin. Time was heavy, terrified to shift rapidly and disturb the way Richie’s eyelashes rippled against Eddie’s fingertips as he studied the constellation of beauty that radiated off him like the morning glow. They’re invested in the silent conversation their eyes are holding,  writing novels of the unspoken words. Their safe haven was serene, an open field that was deep like the Atlantic ocean. Never ending. They were knee to knee, palm to face as Eddie’s swelled with adoration at the way Richie’s hair blew against the whispering wind.

This spot was specifically for them, something they found two years ago after Richie hummed against the shell of his ear that they were destined for an adventure, life leading their wandering feet to where they’re meant to be. Eddie’s breath was stolen from his lungs when they’d settled upon it, flowers growing around their ankles begging for their rest. Sometimes they’d find each other here alone, tears stained and eyes bleeding with pain. It became an unspoken promise that this place was something _magnificent_ , and now Eddie wanted nothing more than to claim it theirs.

“My fallen angel, won’t you grace me with your presence.” Richie’s hushed tone woke Eddie from his peace, blinking him into reality as Richie’s overall clad knees bumped against his own. Richie never failed to melt Eddie with his words, honey slipping through his teeth as his tongue dripped sweetness.

“Mm,” A quick breath of laughter shaped Eddie’s cherry stained lips into a half crescent moon, lids falling into darkness as Richie’s blazing touch cupped Eddie’s cheek, head falling deeper into the touch, nuzzling for _more._ “You make me feel alive, darling.”

“Truth or dare?” Richie watched Eddie intently not wanting to chance the disappearance of his glimmering light. Terrified that if he stole his gaze for a mere second, God would call Eddie back into his world and leave him stranded with only the dreams of the boy who made his stomach tickle from the butterflies within.

“How would you like me to answer that?” Eddie’s gaze was brought back as Richie’s hand fell back into his lap, fingernails playing at the growing posies. Eddie’s torso sunk as he laid upon the bed of flowers, arms stretching out besides him like he was being crucified on a cross, allowing the clouds above to consume him. He felt the snake of Richie’s fingers tether themselves around Eddie’s ankles where they rested on either side of Richie’s crossed legs.

“Truthfully.” Amusement laced with Richie’s words.

“Ask away.” Eddie sung, remaining in trance with the mural above him, the only thing keeping him alive was Richie’s thumbs brushing against the skin between Eddie’s cuffed Indigo pants and his Navy converse that resembled the night sky that was due to make an appearance based upon the warm sun rays.

“I think I’m in love with you.” Richie’s words suffocated him like a rope that hung from the ceiling, only leaving him to learn how to breath for the very first time. His fingers itched for something he couldn’t put together, hair dusted against the varying flowers.

A beat passed.

“That’s not a question, Rich.” Eddie replied, voice vibrating with fear. The familiar voice’s ripping through his body begging for him to run and never stop.

“Do you love me?” Richie prayed to whoever above, begging them for this.

“No.” Eddie lied.

_Liar._

“Is that the truth?” Richie’s world shattered like the wine glasses that dropped from his mother's manicured fingers, shaking his core with familiarity. Feeling his insides burn with hate instead of desire, something he grew up beginning to love.   

“No,” He ignored the voices, instead running for the moment of peace that was creating a barrier around the two of them, protecting them from the hate of the outside word. “I’ve always loved you.”

Time unraveled around the two of them, repairing Richie’s ache with love and silencing the voices in Eddie’s head with hope.

Richie’s figure was above Eddie’s sprawled out form, eyes wide with disbelief as he faced the boy of his dreams. His hands dug into the soil that rooted him in place, iris’ searching for _something_ within Eddie to scream for him. The blinding light of Eddie’s smile was greeting Richie for the first time in _so_ long, hands attaching themselves to the carvings in Richie’s jaw. They were both scared, but both of them were in _love._ It was as if the pedals bloomed around them, creating a private moment that could be cherished forever, never allowing them to separate without the desire to touch each others pristine complexions.

“I dare you to kiss me.” A sob of relief ripped from Richie, lungs pumping once again since the anticipated silence. Eddie’s whisper burned itself into Richie’s skin, tattooing onto his heart. Eddie noticed their eyes were brimmed with tears restricting themselves from falling, it was happiness that stirred this moment for them. It was a sign of hope for both boys.

Richie stuck to the rules of the game, knowing that he had to do what was told of him, the only difference is that he _wanted_ to do it. So, he did _._ Lips stitching together with spit as their needle, tongues speaking every untold feeling that grew over their beings. Hands tangled in hair as their bodies met, sticking together with the sweat of _want._ Teeth meeting with a click _over and over,_ not caring of the vulnerability that’s pouring out of them as their mouths refused to part due to their lives being an unanswered question for too long. Their laughs filled the void as they pulled away, cheeks swollen and wet as the tears released their hold and collapsed in a stream on their faces, noses bubbling with emotion.

“You truly are an angel,” Richie’s emotions were out in public, eyes continuing to search Eddie’s facial expression that resembled a dazed state of awe. “An angel waiting to go back home.”

“You are my home.” Eddie spoke with honesty, fingers shaping the curls connected to the back of Richie’s neck before he reconnected their aching lips as well as their bony pelvises, not ready to let go and fall back into the darkness without his light.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://richttps.tumblr.com/


	3. August 13th, 1991.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "How do you do it?"
> 
> "Do what?"
> 
> "Be you."

_August 13th, 1991._

_Tuesday._

Life regulated according to a timetable, an hourglass that symbolizes the expense of one’s life.

It was controlled by choices, ones that could etch time gradually and ones that drained it rapidly. It begged for certainty but was often beaten by the intelligence individuals lacked in their powerful decisions.

Unfortunately, time was uncooperative, ending before success and dragging too long with the recurring disappointments. For some, life was stolen too quickly or survived too long.

Richie tested Eddie’s ticking time bomb every day he was basking in his presence, manipulating the spirit of it’s intentions with worshiping praise. Previously, Eddie loathed the agonizing pace that he pleaded to end, but since Richie’s existence, Eddie couldn’t urge it to delay long enough to engross himself in the love the boy deserved.

He beamed in euphoria that Eddie could only pray to experience, soaking in Richie’s prosperity temporarily until he could unveil the light that shadowed inside him. He despised Richie’s strength that was built around him as protection from the demons that haunted their sleep.

“How do you do it?” His voice rasped with curiosity, feeling as though the secrets of Richie’s took patience to reveal as he was deliberately scouting the expanses of Eddie’s skin, lips appreciating every crevasse that spurred on him to ease the tension that pulsed vigorously.

Silence engulfed the inside of Richie’s buick, leaving Eddie pliant on his back as Richie was guarding the public from disturbing the serenity that melted around them. Sounds of Richie’s lips caressing vibrated the vehicle as he flowed down Eddie’s clothed body with patience, purely made of innocence as Eddie’s soft breaths calmed his wandering thoughts.

“Do what?” Richie questioned after beating moments of tranquility, captive in Eddie’s wandering eyes as he overshadowed his cramped body, studying how the moonlight enhanced Eddie’s royal iris’ magnificently. His hand placement remained still against the leather seats, barricading Eddie’s head between his outstretched palms, hips cradled by Eddie’s parted thighs.

“Be you.” Hands rose as the words fell in a whisper from his parted lips, pushing back the unruly hair that camouflaged Richie’s magnified eyes, glasses beginning to settle themselves further down the bridge of Richie’s nose with each crinkle of his nose.

“That’s a loaded question, dear.” Strings of laughter bubbled throughout their nook that had Eddie squinting in frustration at the sudden shift executed in their conversation as Richie’s face nudged into the crook of his neck, mouthing at the sweetness that dripped with every bite.

“I’m being serious, moron. How do you do it?” A simple shrug of Eddie’s shoulder guided Richie’s distraction from growing more desirable as dissatisfaction displayed proudly along his features, taking this moment to swim in Richie’s eyes as he reflected up an inner interpretation.

“You make me who I am, baby. You make me strong,” Pride barged through Eddie’s charming smile, arms wrapped securely around Richie’s neck as they shared an equal extent of amazement, coddled in suffocating fluff. “Can I kiss you now?”

“I’d be mad if you didn’t.” It remained hushed as Eddie’s tongue sailed across his full bottom lip, encouraging Richie to draw closer to him like a magnet as they met together unhurriedly, devoting themselves into the passion that bonded them together as their lips rocked together against the crashing waves, melting the salt the coated their skin and replacing it with touches of sugar.

“I love you so much it scares me,” Eddie announced honestly as they separated, leaving a string of spit to stretch in attempt to lock them together permanently. Something Eddie wanted to hold onto forever as he saw his future behind Richie’s eyes, promising him of something he couldn’t yet promise to himself. “You scare me.”

Richie’s fingertips ghosted against the bare skin underneath Eddie’s coat, igniting goosebumps along his paled complexion that provoked Eddie’s eyes to glissade shut as Richie’s words seared against the shell of his ear. “Let me take care of you, Eddie.”

The stream of unity induced Eddie to become speechless, nodding evidently as Richie accompanied Eddie’s upper body to rise as his digits dragged the cloth that clung to Eddie’s torso over his disheveled hair, allowing it to sink through his palm onto the floor of the car. The universe worked in slow motion as they broke through the layers of clothing, fitting themselves together as secrets of beauty traced their lips.

“Stunning.” The only wording that could appropriately portray the delicacy that diffused beneath Richie’s hovering body, eyes trailing Eddie’s exposed skin that heightened with pigmentation under Richie’s attention. The freckles that were distributed on the landscape of Eddie’s body was embezzling the air from Richie’s lungs as his fingers attempted to connect with every shaded dot, riding along silk of his stomach until he was nearing the destination that would soon have Eddie weeping with arousal.

“ _Rich.”_ Eddie breathed, his thoughts unable to comprehend with his behavior and his need to express himself in ways he couldn’t yet understand, but Richie’s warmth spoke more promises than Eddie could voice and it had him spinning with adoration, fingers clutching into the curls sprouting from Richie’s scalp as wandering fingers traced heavenly between Eddie’s legs, circling around his rim continuously that had his thighs shaking in anticipation.

“I’ve got you,” Hushing the whine that extruded from Eddie’s form as his fingertips traveled further away from the pulsing pleasure, bringing themselves to settle Eddie’s burning skin with airy strokes along his cheekbones, evening out the distraught breathing as he invested himself into the trust of Richie’s intentions. “I can help you.”

The last words that painted Eddie’s skin were sung I love you’s before Richie’s head was disappearing between Eddie’s golden tinted thighs after tattooing kisses down the length of his torso, drifting him off into velvet bliss as he was enveloped in the wetness of Richie’s talented mouth, hands operating on their own to light Eddie on fire.

All that Eddie would be able to commemorate as they proceeded was the tenderness of passion as white clouded both his and Richie’s vision, carrying them further into the night as they continued to relish together, their bodies continuing to mold in the sync of devotion.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> come chat w/ me.  
> https://richttps.tumblr.com/


	4. September 19th, 1991.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “What greater punishment is there than life when you’ve lost everything that made it worth living?” - Romeo & Juliet.

_September 19th, 1991._

_Thursday._

_“What greater punishment is there than life when you’ve lost everything that made it worth living?” - Romeo & Juliet. _

Artlessly penned across the darkening chalkboard was the vertiginous lettering of Romeo and Juliet.  

It dictated in Eddie’s mind, repeating continuously on an endless loop.

They’d started their lesson on Romeo and Juliet the first week school was in session, something Eddie wasn’t keen on, but regardless prioritized his education over any inner delusions. Ironically, you’d assume that an in depth writing of distorted romance resulting in homicide being taught in a polished Catholic school would be frowned upon, but since it explores the idea of man and woman it’s become an extremely crucial lesson to be taught apparently. _Eddie disagrees._

It was laborious to compel himself in discussion of violent poetry when it generated Eddie’s blood to run cold, frostbitten nerves enmeshing themselves as sentences of what’s considered to be love easily painted themselves around the huddled bodies. Eddie couldn’t ravel his mind around the idea that what’s written between the lines of the novel is what’s considered devotion, especially when Richie’s undoubtful bathed him in appreciation that’s managed to float Eddie’s soul into a dimension away from the truth that lives within his head.

Nothing’s official, there’s no title on their situation and neither of them pay mind towards the lack of confirmation. Ever since the evening in the flower field, the atmosphere shifted around the two and never tilted back into its orbit, they’re remaining true to themselves as well as eachother which has resulted in them remaining hidden from the wandering eyes of the public, but they’re open in the hearts of themselves.

Movement in Eddie’s peripherals caused his intent study to stand still as his gaze shifted to the windowed door, eyes falling upon the enhanced familiar chocolate iris’ that only belonged to the slender silhouette of Richie, which was proven true as Eddie focused in on the way Richie prodded himself in front of the clear glass, mesmerizing smile luring Eddie further into his spell. A blush rose on the tips of his ears as he attempted to remain subtle to the rest of the scholars, but it all came tumbling down around him as he heard an eruption of giggles from two girls sat beside him as they curiously watched Richie lollygagging around purely for Eddie’s enjoyment.

“Mr.Tozier.” A voice distantly muffled soaked through the dividing walls, causing Richie’s appearance to shift into a mischievous smirk, lips pursed in Eddie’s direction before he was being summoned away from Eddie’s sight, leaving him glazed with a stripped sorrow.  

The quote resumed to whisper bitter sounds through Eddie’s head, holding him ransom as it abducted his previous sweltering happiness, leaving him only to ache in misery as the words proceed to flood his body with apparent reasoning. _Fear._

“Stop it!” A sudden shrill ringing interrupted the quote’s grasp on Eddie, tearing him into reality with an abrupt shout that caused the swarming students rushing past him like zombie’s feeding of the smell of human flesh spare him a concerned glance. He remained still, long after the classroom had been deserted, chest heaving an unknown feeling of anxiety before he’d calmed his quaking bones temporarily to remove himself from the piercing sentence that gloomed over him.

The novel scorched Eddie’s chest where he had it coddled protectively as he made his way to Richie’s rusting Buick Skylark, it’s originally Maggie’s car but she’d rather spend more of her time within their decorated walls than in the comfort of fresh air, which leads to Richie and Eddie claiming it as their safe haven now that they’re on new levels of exploring the new grounds of their status.

“Oh Romeo, wherefore art thou Romeo!” Richie’s echoing cry caused Eddie to flinch as he approached the warming security, allowing a sudden gasp to elicit from his lips as Richie seized the book from Eddie’s caring grip, studying the artwork that cascaded gracefully along the glossed novel. Something shimmered in Richie’s eyes that Eddie couldn’t recognize, continuing to watch as Richie became more engrossed with the appeal of the book, emotionless before a switch caused him to surrender back into Eddie’s space.

“What goes on in that head of yours.” Eddie spoke with a softness in his voice, filling his mouth with cotton as the aspects of his face twisted into eachother, studying the way Richie was so leniently basking in the aroma of his personality where he was sitting atop the car hood, teeth shining predictably.

“Just thinkin’ about how I want to paint you like a french girl in that uniform,” Amusement appealed from Richie’s tone as he rightfully returned the current study to Eddie’s responsibility, taking action to settle himself onto his feet before bony fingers were pinching at Eddie’s chin, fondness sparking through Eddie’s body all while doing so. “So angelic, my sunshine.”

“That’s Titanic, Rich.” Eddie whispered between the two of them, allowing himself to drift away from Richie’s gravitating pull and maneuvering himself towards the passenger seat of the vehicle knowing Richie would follow suit, especially after the catcalling whistle that followed Eddie’s movements.

“Forgive me, Juliet.” Richie spoke with a sparkle behind his words, summoning himself oppositely of Eddie as he clambered into the drivers seat with no sense of elegance while doing so which left Eddie’s lips turning themselves as his heart soared with emotion.

Recently, Richie’s allowed his guard to falter when he was around Eddie which has resulted in numerous slangs and jokes, something Eddie never thought he’d be fond of but it managed to make him fall harder than he did before. He remained the soft soul he originally introduced with care, but now he had more twists and turns which made Eddie want to solve him like a mystery.

“How’s your mom?” They’d been silent since Richie began their ride to Eddie’s home so he could drop him off respectfully, knowing that Eddie would collapse dead if he were prompted to drive with Sonia. Ever since Richie was missing from Sunday service because of his mom, he never interested Eddie in the conversation of that topic any further. Eddie used to respect that and allow Richie to hold himself, but Eddie’s curious about Richie’s silence and so desperately wants to reveal their truths.

“What do you mean?,”  Confusion overtook Richie’s tone, eyebrows pinched together as he tore his eyes away from the road to glance at Eddie with a skeptical look in his eyes, returning his focus before Eddie could lecture him about the safety of the road. “She’s fine, I guess?”

“You missed church that one day, you said she was sick.” Eddie spoke warily, words exiting slowly from his mouth as if to enunciate the memory, hoping Richie would catch on.

“Oh, right. She’s good, y’know, still Maggie.” Richie saved himself, a sudden chuckle slipping past his lips as Eddie chose to ignore the sudden uncomfortable atmosphere between them as he pulled the car aside the curb out front of Eddie’s home, mentally cursing himself while gathering his supplies for even allowing himself to bring attention to the topic that Richie so desperately wanted to ignore.

“You gonna come in?” The sound of only one door opening sat uncomfortably in the pit of Eddie’s stomach, halfway out the passenger door as his neck was craned in Richie’s direction who was sitting silently as his thumbs tapped against the steering wheel to the beat of the radio.

“I’m just gonna head home, buttercup.” Richie replied simply, eyes holding that same sparkle they had earlier as he watched Eddie fully exit the car. “I’ll call you later, yeah? Save you from Sonia’s wrath like always.”

“My knight in shining armor.” Eddie swooned off his tongue as he was etching himself through his front lawn towards the illuminating yellow from door, swimming in the sound of Richie’s laughter before spinning on the heels of his sneakers to finish his route inside his house as he heard Richie’s tires screech off as soon as the door was shut.

“Edward.” His mother’s voice elicited the moment the soft click of the lock was twisted in Eddie’s fingertips, causing his body to tense up instinctively as he mentally prayed for the strength that would be tested against him by his own mother.

“Momma, you scared me,” Eddie faced her, confidence lacking as his fear was bleeding out in front of her sunken eyes. He was tentative as he placed a foot forward which resulted in her mimicking him with a step back. “What’s wrong?”

“Our pastor called, told me that he was worried about how you and Richie interact with eachother,” The words stung Eddie instantly, feeling his skin itch with panic as she continued to glare at him with disgust glistening in her eyes. “I want you to be honest with me, Eddie.”

“There’s nothing to be worried about, Richie is my friend.” He emphasized the ending, scowl forming upon his face as his mother continued to crowd the space in his head, waking up the voices that shattered his soul. “I wouldn’t lie to you.”

“I hope you’re not lying to me, dear. You know that God wouldn’t approve of anything more.” She spat at Eddie with poison as his eyes welled with tears, lip quivering with the threatening to break and release his vulnerability in front of the monster who dug his grave.

His head swelled with music that lacked originality as it chanted the repeating words.

_End it._

 


	5. September 22nd, 1991.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> On the day that you were born  
> And the angels got together  
> And decided to create a dream come true  
> So they sprinkled moon dust  
> In your hair of golden starlight in your eyes of blue

_September 22nd, 1991._

_Sunday._

Chapel on a Sunday morning used to be heartening, but rather sends a jolt through the spinal cord of a sinner.

It’s a promise that those who deceit the holy scripture will be pardoned from their immorality.

Unfortunately, the service’s that decay Eddie’s insides have progressed to completely annihilate any further harmony that may have existed after the scripture of today’s session.

_“If a man lies with a male as with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination; they shall be put to death, their blood is upon them.” Leviticus 20:13._

The opening to what would be known as the destruction of any durability the was pumping through the veins of the breathing souls amongst the rows of seats. It stabbed and twisted into the hearts of the intended, Richie and Eddie.

Eyes were barbed into Eddie’s skin as the pastor spoke words of hatred and horror that had him choking for forgiveness as the tension woke every hair on his body. He knew when his mother placed a discomforting hand on his dress pants that this service was held to her standard that it’d appeal to Eddie as a lesson and help him grow into the man she’d dreamt he’d be. The agonizing pressure is what Eddie believes to be the reason he was different in the first place, always strived to be better than what she expected him to be, but better was with Richie.

The responsiveness on Richie’s face was unreadable, but it felt colder than a blizzard as his gaze threatened hypothermia. The hint that Richie was at some limit affected was shown in the grinding of his teeth and the trembling of his leg, which Eddie had learned overtime that both were a result of the anxiety that sprouted within him at an alarming rate. The thing that startled him the most was the lack of life behind Richie’s eyes as he loomed his gaze into Eddie’s across the building which made his body drip in a way that wasn’t the anticipated flushed excitement that Richie elicited, but rather something new that Eddie couldn’t dissect but couldn’t ignore the ache in his chest.

Everything rained on him that the public knew, everyone knew about him and they were turning themselves against him like a cult. Their lie’s crawling through Eddie in attempt to believe them, turning him inside out as he wailed internally to release the secrets that awoke his slumber and crashed down on him in nightmares that haunted him throughout the day. He slipped into a deafening haze as he envisioned Richie’s touch, gently carving into his skin as a reminder that he was real, could sense the words that Richie would speak into the darkness as Richie bled before him, but it morphed instantly into something that was vicious, suddenly Richie’s touches were abrading venom, words now speaking disgust repeatedly as Eddie bawled under his repulsive focus.  

Walls of the church came colliding onto his bones, breaking them into chunks as Eddie rose to his feet with terror enclosing over him, heads turning in disbelief at the distraught boy before them. Everything inside of Eddie shouted to _stop,_ but he couldn’t help but turn to stone at the sight before him, Richie’s broken gaze pleading for him to stay.

The voices in his head compelled him to flee, so he did.

Before the towering doors could slam behind him, Eddie was darting towards acceptance and away from the suffocating grip. The stairs were taken two at a time, scared that if he carried himself any slower that he’d turn back around and dissolve into the deceitfulness. It was unknown where his feet were leading him, but he adhered to their movement as he ignored the mimicking slap of sneakers driving after him.  

“Eddie!” A breathless shout came from the chronic chase, only leading Eddie to realize that Richie had followed him out of the building which could only have resulted in the knowing whispers amongst the crowd as well as his furious mother, but it didn’t bar him from running further into the rising sun. “Eddie, stop!”

“Stop following me!” Anger rushed through him as he turned to the frightened face before him, mind lapsing into autopilot as his fists clenched together by his sides, teeth gritting with vicious intentions as his eyes further spoke the heat that flamed his expressions.

“Talk to me,” Richie pleaded, familiar hands stretching to Eddie’s form only swiping against Eddie’s collarbone before he was tossing the touch off of him, leaving Richie to grip at air as he cautiously advanced in Eddie’s space, eyes glazed with certainty in himself as he attempted to break Eddie’s dam. “Please, talk to me. I want you to talk to me, baby.”

“You don’t fucking understand, you never will!” Richie’s appearance faltered at the harsh statement, reversing every movement so he was avoiding Eddie’s wrath of something he’d never imagine to come from such innocence.

“Don’t understand what, Eddie? ‘Cause I’m pretty damn sure I was in that service with you, I listened to every word he said and yet I still chased after you because I love you more than anything and they can’t change that, so don’t you fucking say I don’t understand when I spend every second listening to you and _trying_ to help you,” It was as if something snapped and everything that had been bottled up inside Richie previously was pouring out of him with acrimony as his eyes brimmed with tears, trembling with nerves as he watched Eddie’s presence vanish in front of him. “What about me, huh? What about how-how I feel? You’ve never given a shit about asking me, it’s always been about you.”

“I didn’t ask you to follow me, and I didn’t ask you to stay.” Eddie replied to the fingers pointing at him with bitterness behind them.

“You didn’t ask me, but I still did it. I’m there every time you run, I follow you because I care about you. I don’t need you to ask me to stay because I want to stay.” The air shifted around them as Richie’s tone settled into a broken scratch, causing Eddie to wander how many more unbalanced shifts Richie can go through before he finally gives up. “Wrap your fucked up little mind around that.”

“Richi-”

“I’m trying so _fucking_ hard to understand you, Eddie. You won’t let me in to even begin to know what is wrong with you.” Richie continued to flow streams of words as Eddie’s chest began to cave into him, eyes startled with fear at the sudden loss of function, lungs denying to rest in order to catch a wave of air. The last of Richie’s words tumbled Eddie into darkness as his hand clutched tightly to his chest in order to feel the burdening beats of his heart to ensure himself that he was still alive.

“I can’t breathe, Rich.” Heaves of gasping elicited from Eddie as he was gravitating towards Richie’s comforting hold, mind vanishing any apparent anger as he was so desperate for the touch.

Richie’s appearance transformed instantly as the sound of heaving gasps of air eliciting from Eddie as he was gravitating towards Richie’s comforting hold, mind vanishing any apparent anger as he was so desperate for the touch. It was as if Richie was routine to fix Eddie and repair him back into the temporary form he’s always been known to maintain, but in this state of vulnerability Richie’s left with no choice but to enclose Eddie into his chest as they collapsed onto the graveled road, Richie soothing down Eddie’s back, shushing him with every choke that rose from Eddie’s raw throat.

“I’m so sorry.” Eddie visibly exhausted entirely the moment they met, mind shutting off with a virus as he crumbled into Richie’s arms with draining sobs, clinging onto Richie as a reminder that he wasn’t anything his mind wanted him to be because he was pure, and he’ll always remain the soft descriptor Eddie promised.

“You have nothing to be sorry for, angel.” They rocked together soundly as Eddie’s tears filled the growing silence of their minds, leaving Richie to press his lips to Eddie’s hair in an attempt to speak what he couldn’t bring himself to voice, instead humming against his scalp the song that spoke his truth.

_"Why do birds suddenly appear_

_Every time you are near?_

_Just like me, they long to be_

_Close to you._

_Why do stars fall down from the sky_

_Every time you walk by?_

_Just like me, they long to be_

_Close-"_

“I don’t want to do this anymore.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come let me know what you think so far, or what you think is going to happen because I would looooove to hear it. :) 
> 
> Also, the song is "Close to You" by the Carpenters.


	6. October 7th, 1991.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Truth or dare?” 
> 
> “Truth.” 
> 
> “Are you happy?” 
> 
> Last time, Eddie lied. This time, Eddie didn't lie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only one chapter left, so close! This story has been amazing to write, I'm sad that I won't have anything to write for it anymore but I can't wait to post the ending for you guys. :))

_ October 7th, 1991. _

_ Monday. _

 

Hauntings come in many shapes and forms, often scarier than others. 

They’re recurring jabs that swell in a matter of seconds and add sprinkles of craziness everytime they appear. 

It’s waves of nightmares that imitate reality with no apparent intention but to crawl efficiently through one’s body until they’re maneuvered to the edge of the cliff they’ve been so desperately attempting to keep from crumbling from beneath them, and once the nightmares embezzle themselves permanently into their newfounded home, the rest is history. Unspoken.  _ Ignored.  _

When you pray for the game to end, it only continues. Rolling the dice further along the flooring and landing on a perfect ten. It begs for you to participate, holding you captive in it’s choking grip until you’re left to play. You’re playing for your life, and it’s not always promised you’ll win.  

A part of Eddie’s nightmare are the white walls that blanket around him, no sense of life within them as they solidify around him and suction functioning thoughts out of him with every word, as if he was strapped to a death sentence that was threatening to flip the switch at any second. 

Everytime, there’s a woman sat across from him with a sincere smile stretched across her face. Eddie wonders if it hurts to resemble a painted portrait for so long, and often he wants to douse her in gasoline as watch the colors drip off and reveal her truth. He doesn’t though, he remains lifeless in front of her as she attempts to study him with her well-earned degree and the scribbled notes on the single sheet of paper. He’s seen this room since he first told his mother he felt different when he was twelve, it’s been the constant silence everytime as she prods every angle. Some appointments he talks, others he refuses to open up to the greying face before him, not able to trust the soul. 

“Why don’t you tell me about him?” She spoke, hair fanning around her features effortlessly. Eddie would admit that she was beautiful, if they weren’t in the position they currently were in. He knows she means no harm, she’s simply trying to support her lifestyle by listening to the whines of obnoxious children and pretends to pity them and solves all their problems, but it’s not that easy and Eddie can’t be solved like a puzzle. He’s in too deep to be rescued. 

“Who?” He counteracted, pretending to seem oblivious to the person-of-interest even though he knows  _ exactly _ who she’s talking about because she tries to ask everytime, wanting to know everything about the thing that keeps Eddie sane. 

“You know who, Eddie,”  _ He does.  _ “I’m not trying to trick you, I just want to know about the boy.”

Eddie zeroed in on his shaking hands that had been coddled in his lap since he sat down, allowing himself to drift into the thought of  _ him  _ because it was the only thing that remained precious and sacred to him. He was silent for what appeared to be hours, but was only mere seconds. The clock ticked obnoxiously through his ears, frustrating his thought process as he wanted to remain behind the wall he built when it came to Richie, but today is the day he talks. 

“You know how people have a nightlight in their room so that when they wake up scared, they can see if there’s actually monsters in their room?,” His voice shook with uncertainty and lack of vocabulary to express how much Richie meant to him, but regardless she nodded. “That’s Richie.” 

Eddie’s never said his name, and he can tell that she caught on based off the way her eyebrows nearly shot off her face at the announcement. He decided to ignore to situation before he could slip into it and instead continued. 

“It’s like,” He paused as irritation joined in on their conversation, halting his ability to explain as he was curling his fists together into the fabric of his pants, eyes squeezed shut as he attempted to calm his nerves momentarily. “It’s like when you think you’re going to be met with darkness, but all of a sudden light is crowding in on you and you couldn’t be happier because you don’t have to be scared anymore.”

“Does he-Richie know about your darkness?,” As her sentence was finished, Eddie was shaking his head. “Why not?”

“He doesn’t need that, he’s so untainted. It would ruin everything,” Eddie’s eyes found hers as he spoke, honesty pouring out of him as he preached to her. Evidently, she seemed as though she actually understood for once, and it spooked Eddie to the core and he retracted back into familiarity, losing the sudden spark. “He makes me feel  _ normal. _ For once, I feel normal. The last thing I want to do is make him feel as though I’m crazy, but I’m pretty sure he already does think that.”   

“I think you should tell him-” 

“Did you not just listen to me?” Eddie interrupted. 

“I think you should tell him because from what you’ve told me, he isn’t leaving,” This isn’t the first time Eddie’s been told this, Richie said the exact words on that Sunday morning after the seminar, and Eddie is having a tough time believing them because he was bound to leave eventually because Eddie was bound to fall eventually. “If he’s your sanctuary, why don’t you diminish the thoughts in your head all together and let him shine.  _ Permanently.” _

And for once, Eddie didn’t have anything to argue back because the thought of removing the switch on Richie’s light was hypnotizing to Eddie, and it appealed to him in a way that had him second guessing everything he once believed him. He also cursed the woman for speaking something that was everything Eddie wanted, because he didn’t want her to be right and didn’t want to give her the satisfaction that her useless schooling finally worked on something unbreakable. It wouldn’t matter though, because the voices in his head came to life, like they always do and caused ruckus on the thought in attempt to tear it in half right in front of him. 

“Don’t listen to them, Eddie,” She knew, she watched as Eddie trembled with uncertainty that had him vulnerable and searching for the lies inside her, but wasn’t able to satisfy the evil sounds. “They’re not real.” 

She was right, Eddie admitted it to himself as came in contact with the familiar silhouette perched on his bedroom window, basking in the cool air as the expected cloud of smoke loomed around his growing frame. It felt as if Eddie was back in Richie’s bedroom the night he realized he was in love, watching as Richie dragged on his cigarette slowly. It was draining for him, but in a pleasing way because something about Richie caused everything inside Edde to melt everytime he was around and it was the reason Eddie was able to come to his senses and for once take someone else’s advice. 

“I didn’t want to be at home.” Richie’s voiced vibrated through the bedroom as Eddie remained frozen in the doorway, startled at the fact that Richie knew he was home before Eddie had even spoken a word. It didn’t stop him from making his way to him with slow strides, wanting to keep Richie exactly how he was with his leg swaying outside the window, the other curled to his chest as he had his back leant against the wall with his eyes settled shut.

“How-”

“How’d I know you were gonna ask? I can read your mind.” A breath of laughter came from Eddie as he approached the figure, kneeling down in front of the window before all the air left in his lungs was being knocked out of him as the framed eyes met his. Richie’s features were calm, much like they always were when he was smoking, but something about the way he was looking at Eddie caused a sense of serenity to fall upon them. Eddie was speechless at the beauty in front of him, chaotic curls growing past his ears and were starting to tangle into the frames of his glasses, which Eddie would imagine wouldn’t be easy to see through, but it didn’t seem to bother Richie because the smile never faded from his face, even when the pain was apparent. 

No words came to the surface as Richie looked at him expectantly, glimmering against the stars as he mimicked their awe unintentionally. It continued to leave Eddie breathless, praying that the Lord would take him in this exact moment of happiness. At that moment, he was drawn up onto his knees like a magnet, fingers tracing themselves along the buttons on Richie’s flannel before they were tangling into the cloth, steadying himself with a mission as he grazed his lips against Richie’s parted bottom lip before pressing into them with practice, only leaving Richie to follow without hesitation as his rough palm rested against the back of Eddie’s neck, holding him in position as their tongues greeted, brushing against each other with patience as if they were both summoning each other to the night they met. 

“I love you more than anything, even if that sounds crazy.” Eddie whispered against Richie’s lips before they were pulling away from each other, but remaining close enough for their breath to fan against each others complexions. 

“Love makes you crazy, lovebug.” The nickname flooded Eddie’s heart with adoration as Richie’s hands found their way to Eddie’s cheeks, cupping them as he spoke.

“No, love makes me sane.” It was one step closer to the truth for Eddie, and the night was filled with terror as he followed Richie’s gaze that was currently traveling across the dips in Eddie’s face, fingers moving from every position they landed upon in a matter of seconds which is why it was tough to keep up with him in their intense moments, but Eddie maintained as fingers were carding themselves through his hair, sweeping it out of his eyes as Richie continued to hum in amazement, unaware of the fact that Eddie’s lock was about to burst.

“What do you mean by that?” Richie commented. 

“I need to tell you something.” This caused Richie’s eyebrows to curl into eachother, eyes leaving their study over Eddie’s face and falling right back into his as Eddie could read the uncertainty behind his glasses, always trying to hide it. Eddie had noticed that Richie’s hands had fallen off of Eddie, and it left him feeling cold as he began to question everything he was about to say. 

“You’re scaring me, Eds.” The faulty laugh that slipped past Richie’s lip solidified the truth behind his statement, and it crushed Eddie to bring Richie to feel fear. He seemed so far away suddenly, and he was continuing to slip back as he awaited for Eddie to speak, becoming uncomfortable with growing silence that Eddie was presenting, mostly because he was equally scared. 

“I want to let you in, I want you to understand now,” Eddie started at a slow pace, letting Richie adjust to the spoken words, only bringing himself closer into Richie’s orbit in order to remain in that safe haven. “I have these voices in my head, Rich. They hold me back from doing things that will make me happy, they try to keep me from you and they scare me, but I don’t want them to scare me anymore because you’re  _ so so _ good to me, baby.”

It remained silent, as Eddie expected. The stunned look on Richie’s face would burn into Eddie’s mind every night, but it didn’t stop his mouth from running because it felt relieving to be able to push the weight off his shoulders and allow his guard to collapse for once in his life. 

“I don’t know what’s wrong with me, but I feel like I’m being suffocated at all hours of the day and I’m so  _ tired  _ of feeling this way, but then you’re here, you’re  _ really here _ , and it’s like I can breath again. I don’t know if I believe in whatever God is up there, but I believe that you were supposed to find me, Richie. You’re my light.” 

Everything shattered, falling down in sharp pieces as Eddie’s mouth snapped shut, chest heaving at an uncomfortable pace as he could feel his heartbeat pounding against the barriers of his ribcage. Suddenly, this moment didn’t feel like happiness and that serenity was translucent and far out of reach as Eddie continued to search for something within Richie’s blank stare, face expressionless as he remained limp against the wall, leg no longer swinging. Eddie noted that he resembled a corpse, and it swept his stomach into horror at the thought. 

“Please-” Eddie started to plead. 

“I’m your light?” Richie’s raw voice scratched into the silence, momentarily stopping Eddie’s actions before he could beg for Richie’s forgiveness.

“Yeah, you’re my light.” It washed out of him with relief as he watched the shine come back in Richie’s eyes, lips twitching at the corners as they threatened to beam again. Eddie hadn’t noticed that Richie’s eyes were filled with tears, and he didn’t notice that he was in the exact position, but it didn’t stop him from hesitantly reaching out for Richie’s lonely hands, curling his own into them as their fingers carded together. 

“Truth or dare?” 

“Truth.” 

“Are you happy?” 

It felt as though Eddie was living once again into that past moment between the two, because Richie was asking the same question he’d asked that very night and Eddie lied straight to his face. The only difference between the two moments in time is that when Richie asked it again, Eddie didn’t lie. 


	7. October 12th, 1991.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Every moment he shared with Richie from beginning to end, is something he will forever be grateful for.
> 
> Richie was the light in the darkness of Eddie’s thoughts.
> 
> His glow in the dark star.

_ October 12th, 1991. _

_ Saturday. _

All things come to an end. 

Big or small, nothing lasts forever.

Life begins at the expansion of time, starting with an astonishing flash and simmering to a sign-off with the dimming of it’s shine. 

For all of Eddie’s life, he’s been resentful of the stars in the sky because of how bright they were in the night sky and it never ended, night turned to day and day turned to night and they were always there to greet the eyes. 

Much to Eddie’s despair, even stars come to their finishing moment. They end with a tremendous explosion, stealing the show. 

It doesn’t stop him though, doesn’t stop him from falling into the trap of Richie’s smile that shines brighter than any star because even when the stars are pointing all their attention towards Eddie, he can’t help but pray that Richie’s light never burns out.

As they soak together, skin intertwined with euphoria that doesn’t need contact to remain alive, the spark was always burning even against all the wind that’s threatened to blow it out. 

It’s like a motion picture movie Eddie has watched his whole life, never wanting to intervene with the power the moon holds over Richie, because Eddie could never compare to the beauty it places on him. It’s so effortless, the way it paints a mural over his features and heightens his insides like a drug that can’t be bought, and Richie doesn’t plan on getting sober. And, it’s this moment where Eddie wants to remember every little detail of Richie because as he watches him operate in a world that he’s claimed him own, it’s all Eddie can do. 

There’s music vibrating around them inside the car, Eddie knows it as he feels the way Richie’s fingers drum against the bare skin of his hips and how his eyebrows are pinched together as if he’s trying to focus on the steady beating of his heart while Eddie undulates from where he’s glued on Richie’s lap, but Eddie can’t hear the tune. He can’t hear the voices humming in the open air, can’t hear the way Richie’s lips part in quivering breaths because his ears are plugged with serenity and he’s drowning ten feet underwater. 

There’s garage lights sparkling outside the window above Richie’s figure, and they’re swimming in complement with Richie’s twitches of pleasure and Eddie makes sure to take mental pictures of Richie’s personality at the hour, because Eddie knows he feels free, no one to cause him trouble. 

“Rich.” Eddie breathes only to be followed by a low hum as Richie’s hips lift to meet against his movements, and for once he doesn’t feel as though he was deprived of air, because when Richie looks at him with pure love in his eyes, Eddie doesn’t feel anything but life fill his lungs. Maybe it’s the way Richie’s hair has began curling around the tips of his ears or the way his piercing green eyes write poetry against Eddie’s vision, but all Eddie can think of is how  _ lucky _ he got when Richie found him. 

“Eds.” It’s all the sounds flooding into Eddie’s ears, and it stings to hear the pillowing voice reply to him because Eddie missed it so much in the minutes without it. 

“You’re so pretty.” It’s all Eddie can comprehend to flow out from his lips, because everything he’s wanted to say died out on his tongue before he could speak it against Richie’s inviting skin, but anything Eddie notes for Richie is a summary of what he was planning on saying, and he thinks Richie understands. He hopes he does. 

Richie doesn’t respond because he doesn’t need to, his actions write novels that Eddie reads over and over again as his fingers dance along his aching thighs. They’re about the way his cheeks flush with a shade that matches his heart and the way his nose scrunches slightly at the sudden compliments that he’s been deprived of his whole life, and Eddie writes them back that he can’t wait to take care of them in a way no one else could. 

“ _ Fuck _ , darling, you feel incredible.” Richie whispers into the cramped space as if he can’t believe his reality as watches the way Eddie’s hips pulse forward in slow, languid movements. “So addicting.” 

It’s Eddie’s turn not to reply, not because Richie’s lips are molding against his because they’ve been deprived for too long, but rather because his head is suddenly spinning on its orbit and he no longer can feel himself grounded in reality as he begins to drift away. 

“I don- _ “ _

“I love you.” Richie interrupts against the shell of his ear, large palms working to keep the movements of Eddie’s hips rolling against him. 

“I don’t feel good, Richie,” It’s comes out more frightened than anticipated, but Eddie’s hands are still pressing flat against Richie’s bare chest. “I think i’m gonna pass out.”

“It’s okay, I’m saving us.” Eddie visibly froze, the heat of the running car not able to abolish the ice that formed between them. Eddie was attempting to wrap his mind around the words, but everytime it pulsed through his brain it was as if electricity sparked his nerves and restrained him from feeling.

“What?” Eddie should’ve remembered is that moments of utter peace always tumble with fear, but he was so tucked into the feeling he’s never felt before that when Richie spoke the words of Eddie’s nightmares, he couldn’t help but feel his heart shatter behind his chest and his throat tighten with disbelief. 

“I tried to kill myself.” It came from Richie’s mouth the minute they were pulled apart at the seam and Eddie wishes it never came, because now he won’t be able to move on from when Richie admitted defeat in the face of his strength. 

“I told you my mom was sick but she wasn’t, Eds. I tried to kill myself that day.” The second time stabbed worse than the first, and this time it didn’t end. 

“Please stop,” Eddie begged as he sat across from something he once saw truth in, wanting to suppress the moment entirely so that Richie could repair his broken heart for the millionth time, but it wasn’t going to end because you couldn’t stop time, even if you wanted to. “This isn’t a funny joke.” 

Time etched on slowly around them, Eddie noticed this because he spent every minute trying to count the remaining happiness on Richie’s face, but it was beginning to become impossible as he listened to the choked sobs.

Richie wouldn’t dare let the salt drip along his porcelain skin, Eddie knew this. He was strong, but it was merely a painting over the rotting glue that held him together. Eddie didn’t know this, didn’t understand as the line went dead in his mind, leaving him with a blood curdling buzz that released the bee’s nested in his chest. 

“Why are you lying?” Eddie couldn’t help the bitter taste that slipped itself into Richie’s mouth from the choice of his wording, but he couldn’t help the feeling of anger that shed itself around him. He was going to leave Eddie alone, without any warning and it fumed his bones to think that Richie could be that egotistical to take the light away. But, part of him was angry that Eddie didn’t know, he had no idea that Richie was feeling the way he did because he never asked, and thinking back on it now, Richie showed every sign. 

Eddie was too busy worrying about having Richie take care of him, that he didn’t care for him in a way that he thought he was. 

“Baby, i’m not lying to you. I couldn’t do it without you, I needed you with me,” Richie faltered in front of Eddie eyes, and Eddie couldn’t comprehend what he was trying to say because the blood was now pumping in his ears, but this time he could still hear every word. “But, you’re here now. We can do it together.” 

“When you talked to me about how you felt, I realized that you don’t want this life as much as I do.” He continued, not aware of the monster that was crawling up Eddie’s spin with every vowel that poured out, because it was everything Eddie wanted at the late hours of the night when he was alone, but it wasn’t supposed to become a reality. “We can end it, together.” 

“Rich, you don’t know what you’re talking about.” It was Eddie’s turn to hold back the choked sobs, but unlike Richie he couldn’t halt the salt from dripping off his cheeks and as Richie reached out to destroy the path they were leaving, Eddie felt the burning that Richie always left, but this time it was different and tempting. “I don’t want to die.”

“Let me take care of you, baby. You told me I was your light, let me be your light,” Richie’s voice went back to a steady hum, almost as if everything Eddie ever knew was an act that was built to shield the reality of Richie. “This is what’s best for us.” 

“I don’t want this, Richie. You don’t want this, please.” Eddie continued to beg. 

“Only a few minutes in the car, and we’ll go to sleep.”  He explained, eyes burrowing themselves into Eddie’s soul to reveal the truth that Eddie was pushing aside and covering with the dams of tears, but Richie knew. Eddie knew he knew. 

Eddie was broken and he told Richie to fix him. 

“Eddie, please.” The seams tore away and  _ finally  _ the streams Eddie thought he’d never see are falling right in front of him, and all Richie could do was reach for something that seemed so distantly far as he clung onto Eddie’s body, nails scratching patterns of pain into Eddie’s back as he prayed for a release, and it didn’t stop until Eddie’s skin was glowing red with irritation and all he could do was snake his arms around Richie’s shaking figure and stare numbly into the fading walls as he counted down the minutes left. 

_ Seven.. _

Eddie’s fingers found themselves knitting into Richie’s curls as he gripped them with fear, this time he was genuinely scared that Richie would fade from his hold. He ached cold against Richie’s boiling skin and it was a mix of two opposites that wanted the same thing, and he was left with sealing his eyes closed as tears trailed down his cheekbones, soaking into unthreatened skin as the sounds of relief caved in the open space.

“Okay,” Eddie spoke, mostly for himself. “It’s okay.” 

_ Six.. _

“I love you so much, Eddie.” Richie whispered into his skin, letting it grow against his neck as he repeated it numerous times, wanting Eddie to hear every line as it flooded from Richie’s lips. He heard, loud and clear. Eddie’s tongue was numb, the tips of his fingers were numb as they ached to feel Richie’s pulse under his hands, and he couldn’t move an inch because he was terrified that time would speed up around them and it’d be over before they knew it. 

_ Five.. _

“I love you.” Eddie spoke, chest heaving as his mind continued to fog over with drowsiness and all he could do was settle for the ride. 

“Dream of me, Eddie.” Richie verbalized, but it sounded more like he was frightened too that Eddie would forget about him, but Eddie could never forget about the light that was guiding him home. “I’ll come find you.” 

_ Four.. _

_ “I’m happy when I’m with you.” It was the truth, Eddie realized. He was happy when he was with Richie, it was like he illuminated warmth that could only pull Eddie in deeper until there was none left. Eddie’s eyes traveled back up to the ceiling above him, counting the glow in the dark stars Richie delicately hung in the open space after Eddie had admitted to being scared of the dark, he listened to the steady breathing approaching him slowly, signaling that Richie was finished with his late night snack.  _

_ “What about when you’re not?” He continued to prod, resulting in Eddie’s heartbeat speeding up as the comforter dipped next to him and the heat of Richie’s body embezzled him. _

_ “Not as happy, but happy.” Eddie reassured him with a curl of the lips, offering Richie an inviting smile. He was met with curls tickling the underside of his nose as Richie settled on his chest, a content hum slipping from between his teeth.  _

_ Three.. _

_ “I think I’m in love with you.” Richie’s words suffocated him like a rope that hung from the ceiling, only leaving him to learn how to breath for the very first time. His fingers itched for something he couldn’t put together, hair dusted against the varying flowers.  _

_ A beat passed. _

_ “That’s not a question, Rich.” Eddie replied, voice vibrating with fear. The familiar voice’s ripping through his body begging for him to run and never stop.  _

_ Two.. _

_ “I’m your light?” Richie’s raw voice scratched into the silence, momentarily stopping Eddie’s actions before he could beg for Richie’s forgiveness. _

_ “Yeah, you’re my light.” It washed out of him with relief as he watched the shine come back in Richie’s eyes, lips twitching at the corners as they threatened to beam again. Eddie hadn’t noticed that Richie’s eyes were filled with tears, and he didn’t notice that he was in the exact position, but it didn’t stop him from hesitantly reaching out for Richie’s lonely hands, curling his own into them as their fingers carded together.  _

_ One.. _

In church, Eddie remembers them speaking of pathways and how every individual has one that they’re destined to follow. 

This was their pathway. 

As much as Eddie wanted to resent the words they told, in this moment he realized that they never lied. Everything was true, the desire for human life is to have meaning and purpose, and Eddie had all of that. His purpose was attached to him and was whispering chants of love against his fizzling skin, and the only thing that could sweep itself through Eddie’s mind was complete bliss, because every moment he shared with Richie from beginning to end, is something he will forever be grateful for. 

Richie was the light in the darkness of Eddie’s thoughts.

_ His glow in the dark star.  _

**Author's Note:**

> https://richttps.tumblr.com/


End file.
